Sweetie Pie
by Incomparable-Insanity
Summary: - When Bellatrix starts being sickly sweet, Rodolphus knows that its his cue to run...or dissaparate. - Rod/Bella. One-shot!


First shot at a somewhat humor fic with Bella and Roddy. Oh well. Hope I didn't mess this up. I'm gonna leave in a jiff so I'm writing this note like fast. Like stat. Like. I should stop now.

Disclaimer: **Fan**fiction. Get it? FAN.

**Sweetie Pie?**

In a vast field surrounded by trees, a large mansion lay atop a hill. It had a great view of the place down below and it was only natural that to the Muggles eyes, it would be invisible. The birds were chirping, the wind was whispering, the stream could be heard from inside the house and - - and if it were another family of wizards that resided in the said house, say, good natured and kind wizards then those kinds of things (the singing birds...) would be perfectly normal, but for a family, or just a couple, who was like _them_ then it certainly was not normal.

It only meant one thing: Bellatrix was _not_ happy.

Speaking of the said witch, Bellatrix had just gotten up from her bed. She changed into her robes and walked down to the dining room where the elves graciously served her food. She did not eat, only stared at her food until familiar footsteps from behind informed her of company.

Bellatrix spun around, her chair spinning along with her and turned to face her husband. "Rodolphus!" She said, her cold and harsh voice, for once, beautiful sounding and kindly ringing.

Rodolphus halted abruptly, did a double take and looked directly at Bellatrix. "What?" he asked obviously bewildered.

"Come now, _dear_, breakfast is waiting." Bellatrix crooned, smiling more at him before facing her own breakfast. Rodolphus, confused and somewhat weirded out by the overly ecstatic Bellatrix, sat down directly across from her.

Bellatrix hummed softly, sipping at her pumpkin juice. Rodolphus merely stared at her, waiting for any signs that she would start and have a go with him for something he probably did not do again.

"Bella? Is...something—" Rodolphus cut himself off as Bellatrix looked at him, her gaze piercing and her dark eyes glinting then, after a second, she fixed it into what seemed to be a sweet expression.

"Yes, Roddy?" She inquired, propping her elbow onto the table and learning forward towards him. "Something the matter?"

Rodolphus shook his head, taking a tentative sip; "No, _chéri_."

Seeming to be quite delighted, Bellatrix continued on with the rest of her meal, Rodolphus could've sworn she kept stealing glances at him, her eyes piercing through his skull.

Finally, the silence was cut when Bellatrix dropped her fork and she looked at him, her lips twitching into a demented smile. "Rodolphus, you know what I like, right?" Rodolphus was ready for whatever she would throw at him, only hoping that she would not throw her bread knife.

"What do you mean, Bella?" Rodolphus said, putting his fork down as well.

"Oh, you know...dinner...spending some time with you...new robes...and oh, yes, of course, new jewellery."

Rodolphus certainly did not know where that came from. "I'm sorry?" he said, bewildered still.

"And you certainly know what I hate, right?" She did not wait for him to respond, and continued, "Not spending time with you, having to spend the whole day with the house elves because sometimes I have nothing else to do, Lucius Malfoy, my blood-traitor scum of a sister Andromeda, torn robes, discarded jewellery, oh, and did I say Lucius? Yes, I certainly dislike him. What else, ah, yes. Burned robes. You know, Rod? _Burned robes? Expensive robes that have been burned?_"

"What...dear?" Rodolphus asked again, trying to look out the window. The birds had suddenly stopped chirping, the wind was not whispering and it was as if the stream had died down, to top it all off, the sun had been covered by massively gray clouds and it was certainly dark for morning already.

"Oh, come off it, Rod..._Burned robes_..." Bellatrix's gaze was now hard and cold. She stood up and smiled at him, her eyes like lightning...piercing and...scary. She had drawn her wand – thank goodness, thought Rodolphus having preferred her jinxes to the utensils.

He did not stand up, though, and merely remained in his seat. Bellatrix tilted her head, her lips curling up into a more demented looking smile. "You know what, _dear_? I would really _love_ it if you take a day off from that _job_ of yours and spend some time with me." She slowly raised her wand and looked at him. If he thought Narcissa getting her hair wet was scary then Bellatrix being sickly sweet was even scarier. And _that_ was saying something.

Rodolphus was now slowly getting to his feet, the outcome he had in his head was not pretty. He toppled his chair in the process and did not bother to fix it as he nodded slowly towards his wife. "Okay, Bella, whatever you like."

"Oh, _Rodolphus_, are you blind or are you just thick? Because I think it's time to run..." Bellatrix advanced on him, her heels making sounds as she took a few steps.

"I-I get a head start then?" Rodolphus was slowly backing away, already under the archway that would lead towards the sitting room and then just beyond the sitting room would be the main hall and in the main hall would be the door leading outside...

His answer was a spell that Bellatrix threw at him. The red jet of light missed him by inches and as the spell rebounded, it broke a glass. Bellatrix did not wince but Rodolphus did.

She slashed at her wand and the digit 1 appeared. Rodolphus was always in the middle of their sitting room. When he reached the main hall it was 2 and as he ran towards the door, wrenching it open he heard a blast that indicated 3 had come. And he heard that distinctively high pitch cackle...mental.

Rodolphus was sprinting out of the front lawn when he heard her laughing madly behind him, her spells missing him again and again, he saw the grass wilt as the spell missed his foot and, taking out his wand he blasted their front gate open and snuck a glance at Bellatrix.

"_Crucio!"_ Bellatrix shrieked, aiming the curse at him. Ah...how she showed her love for him. The curse was going to hit him...it was going to hit him...it certainly was going to hit him if he had not turned and Disapparated.

As he Apparated, he noticed that he had arrived at Malfoy Manor. Narcissa had peeked through the curtains, her pale face unreadable before she smirked at him, knowing that it had happened again. She threw the windows closed and Rodolphus merely made a mental note:

_Remember to run when Bellatrix seems to be extremely happy. _

_--_

Or when Bellatrix pretends to be extremely happy. Whichever works for you, Roddy.

Chip, chip, bonbons. That's all. _  
_


End file.
